In Ways I Didn't Anticipate
It's been a while. I thought I would be able to write the story of how it began first, but for some reason, the universe has its own way of throwing in a plot twist or interrupting people's plans. Or maybe it's the one from above? Honestly, I am not sure anymore, 'cause it feels like the universe, the economy, and everything else is conspiring to what is happening.
It was May 22, 2026, 2:36 AM, May 21, 2026, 11:36 AM, his time, when I received a message from him that, unfortunately, our working relationship had come to an end. I was looking at my phone for God knows how long, rereading the message over and over. First, just reading it the way we read messages we received, second, reading it in a more focused mood, third, understanding every word it says, and the rest? Wishing it wasn't true. I mean, who wouldn't want to stay in a job where you can speak your mind freely without being invalidated? Plus, I am learning things that I didn't think I needed, and having a boss with such a warm and understanding personality, more than he thinks he is.
It was kind of him to assure me it wasn't a reflection of my value as an employee, but my anxiety is saying otherwise, which makes me feel like he's been so careful with his words, which I truly appreciate. It's just that my MDD and anxious distress are so loud that it makes me doubt things, the unanticipated things that arrive like a sudden gust of wind. Or maybe, just maybe, I'm in denial?
But despite these unanticipated events, I'm thankful I applied to his job posting and learned new things that have equipped me professionally and personally. I'm thankful I've experienced being seen and heard. And it feels nice.
We said we'll keep in touch, and I mean it. But it hasn't been a week yet; it feels strange not to have a call to look forward to, not to ask him how his day has been so far, or how his sleep was. It's unbelievable. lol It wasn't the first time I lost a job, or stopped doing things I used to do, but I'd say it feels strangely different from those.
Maybe, just maybe, the impact of unanticipated things is louder than those that we have foreseen and look forward to?
Maybe, just maybe, I just need time to adjust. I was on the verge of sharing this strange feeling with him, but I don't want him to think he's responsible for how I feel. That said, I am writing my thoughts with the hope that the next few days will be better for him and me. I hope one day I'll hear how he's been successful in the things that make him happy, or, if it isn't too much to hope for, maybe, just maybe, the universe will allow me to work with him again.
The miles might be farther than they were before, but maybe, just maybe, it's what's for the best, for him, and even for me.
Until then, I'll focus on stability, honesty, and genuine intentions.
M
P.S I hope he won't see this. Or, if he does, he'll pretend he does not. HAHAHA